Unspoken Enmity

i woke up this morning with heavy dizzy head and unpredictable temper. one wrong move, i thought i'm gonna explode and somebody might get hurt emotionally. i am silent when i thinking deep and its dangerous because many things is running on my head. with my unpredictable temper comes with my unusual attitude. this side of mine comes out only when i heard something isn't nice especially when somebody criticized my family.

i know we're poor but besides the challenge i'm proud to say that my parents brought me up as a good daughter, student, citizen and child of God. i never enjoyed gossiping and peeping out at some others'lives. i hated rumors until now. they are like contagious diseases spreading out rapidly, become epidemic and bring plague to those who are fond of making up stories.

it's really hard to dealt with individual differences especially if the one you are dealing with will never stoop down to understand and appreciate the things that differ from their perspective. sometimes its better to deal with people who have less knowledge but got values than those with empowering closed mind and rotten trait.

attacking me at my back is definitely a cowardly action. those who are doing this are the people who are afraid of their own committed mistakes. they pretend to be your friends who understand and love you to cover up their unbearable poignant dirty secrets.
thank God that my thread of patience never ripped out and my cooling system is unbeatable if so happen that all these things messed up,there will be floods of tears and blood.

at the corner of my mind

i don't know why sometimes when i want to share something it ended up not telling at all. i don't know why i have these doubts and having the habit of predicting the people's reactions when ever they may know something in me. I'm afraid how they may judge me or having an idea of what is happening in me. Scarred that they may misinterpreted me and destroy the concept of who i am to them. does this mean that what I'm showing to them is my pretentious side? that I'm fake?

i don't think so. it's only that what I'm showing is just a part of me. the whole me is still a mystery to others. even me sometimes is surprise of what I'm capable of doing that may differ to my beliefs.

keeping the whole me is the safest and sharing a bit of me is the wisest thing to do because you don't know what these people think of you that giving them the advantage of holding your neck. if they knew many things about you, they know how to handle you, make u follow them and even use you for their benefit.

i remembered reading this line but not in exact arrangement of words: it's better to be quiet and be misunderstood than to talk and be misinterpreted.